Parents always try their best to secure a successful future for their children. It is every parent’s dream to see their child succeed in life and they always try to direct their children in the right way.
However, parents who try to do their best can also make mistakes which, on the long run, may change the course or a child’s development in the opposite direction.
Throughout his research, leadership expert and best-selling author Dr. Tim Elmore has come across several mistakes that parents often make when raising their children.
These mistakes can lower a child’s self-confidence and limit their chances of becoming successful in their lives and their careers.
This is why we have summed up the 7 most intoxicating behaviors that can negatively impact the child’s development and their chances of success:
Not letting your children experience risk
People nowadays have started looking at the ‘safety-first’ rule a bit too literally. In fact, parents can go so far as to practically insulate their child from any kind of risk. Being careful is one thing, but being too careful is harmful to your child.
People who were not allowed as children to play outside and return home with a scraped knee or a few bruises tend to develop irrational phobias. In fact, a child should go through some risks in life to learn how to handle the situations.
Otherwise, they will have trouble with almost everything which requires some risk taking. Taking risks means increasing your maturity and awareness of the possible outcomes in the future. Children who were isolated from this kind of experience tend to grow into highly arrogant and people with low self-esteem.
Coming to the rescue too quickly
Letting your child face problems or the consequences of their actions is a key factor to their development. However, the opposite action of this is over-indulging your child with “assistance” in just about anything.
Failure or falling short is something your child needs to face, as you won’t be around their whole lives to fix or alleviate their hardships. That’s why you should let them gradually experience the challenges they need to face.
Stepping in at every moment will make your child incompetent in their adult life. Your child may feel ‘happier’ if you fix their problems, but they will fail miserably later in life if they don’t learn the skill needed.
Raving over every move they make
Adjusting your reaction to the reality that is imposed is the best possible answer to every situation. You can’t call your child a winner if they didn’t actually win. Not everybody is a winner, but everybody can become a winner.
Having your child think that ‘only you are aware’ of how good they are, while the rest aren’t noticing it, means nurturing a very bad sense of vanity and the illusion that they are doing everything right.
Instead of comforting your child with rewarding words, help them figure it out and become better at whatever they are doing. Otherwise, raving too easily and disregarding poor behavior can eventually lead to children learning to cheat, exaggerate and lie to avoid the reality.
Letting guilt get in the way of leading well
Every child will try to manipulate you out of saying ‘no’ or ‘not now’. They will cry and fee disappointed and this is natural. It’s not natural to say yes to everything they desire, so as not to make them feel bad.
You need to be realistic towards what you deem rewardable and fair. You need to teach your child to fight for what they really value and need without the help of tears or conditioning. Nobody will ask them if they feel good with the respective reaction when they develop their career.
Be sure to teach them that their success depends on their actions and good deeds. Let them understand that their actions aren’t connected to material rewards and that the good grade is a reward by itself, not the trip to the mall because of it.
Intrinsic motivation and materially unconditioned actions are the keys to building a mature person.
Not sharing past mistakes
Being a teen means being ready to take on new challenges and trying things on your own. We have all been through this. Parents usually say “do this, don’t do that”, but the biggest mistake is hiding your past mistakes from that period of your life.
As an adult, you need to let your child experience life in the way they choose, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t help them navigate through their choice healthily.
In fact, sharing relevant mistakes you did at their age and in similar situations can help them learn to make good choices.
When your teen faces consequences of a mistake they did, share how you felt in a similar experience you had. Explain to them what drove your actions and what lessons you learned from all that. Influence them in the positive way – the best way.
Mistaking intelligence, giftedness, and influence for maturity
A child’s intelligence and giftedness has little to do with maturity. It is just an indicator on how aware they are going to be about becoming mature and use that awareness to their advantage. However, many parents use intelligence as a measurement of a child’s maturity.
Many people possess the high talent and/or intelligence but can be caught in an unnecessary scandal because they didn’t act maturely enough. The fact is that even if your child possesses giftedness in one aspect, that doesn’t have to mean that it pervades all other areas.
Treat your child as an independent person to the point which is appropriate for their age. A good rule of thumb is to pay attention to how your child’s peers are handling responsibilities and how much freedom they are given.
Not practicing what you preach
The responsibility of every parent is to teach their children to lead their lives as persons who are dependable and accountable for their words and actions.
However, many of the things parents teach to their children are not the biggest reality about themselves.
Preaching good personality is not enough. In fact, words have little influence compared to actions. If you tell your child that they shouldn’t lie, you should avoid telling any kind of lies too.
The thing is that your child will notice your actions more than your words and they will learn from them.
You should be diligent, honest and selfless and you need to show that to your child at all times.
In the end, admitting your mistakes and correcting them in front of your child will teach them more than forbidding them from doing the same.Leave everything better than you found it, and your child will note that and try to do the same.