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THIS Evil Horoscope helps to Find who YOU Are like no other Horoscope EVER!

There is no conclusive evidence that horoscope is even remotely accurate. Sufficient to say we are far from believing in it not only because our sign is currently in the “Retroactive” House of Mercury but let’s just say that there is something that makes it not only ridiculous but also to make you look in the mirror and tell yourself “WTF Did I just read”. So, in that sense, let me share with you an EVIL horoscope (Note if you find yourself in any of the characteristics you are 100% certain you are human!) Please note that this is just for fun and no offence is intended!!!

           Funny-Aries The “Aggressive idiots” Aries

Wow… What an ignorance for the consequences of your actions! You are utterly blind of noticing them! People tend to tell you that you are a primate at some point! I mean come on! Subtlety is not one of your strong sides is it? Not only that, but you are also a public menace! The aggression is simply bursting out of you as well. The benefits that people tend to have from persistence are literally unknown to you! To be perfectly honest, people see you as a naive, wildling released from nature. Some would even say a “Simple-Minded” beast.

Funny-TaurusThe “Pigheaded, greedy” Taurus

You know, when someone says retarded, stubborn, ego-maniac with nothing better to do but to be “The Devils Advocate” 99% of his time, yes that’s you Taurus. Slowness is the only thing that can match you legendary heaviness. There is a saying which goes “Only Idiots Change Their Minds”. I am guessing that you don’t belong within it, but heck what do I know right? I mean you are a heavy materialist which at some point converts to stinginess. Not cool brah! Not Cool!

 

 

 

geminis

The “Two timing liars” Gemini

Wow you lie as a gypsy! I mean, there is nothing consistent within each story told to a single person. Of course you can say to yourself that it is something that you do since you are highly adaptable to situations, but I think that it is the lack of profundity and consistency that characterizes you. You start talking about the “Birds & the Bees” yet you finish with how boats are driven on a fine weather. You think that makes you smart huh? But the even more annoying thing about consistency is that you have zero of it. There is literally not a single thing on this planet that you can commit on from start to finish. QUITTER!

Funny-CancerThe “Whining” Cancer

Damn you are sensitive as hell. I mean, I’m sure you’ve heard it a million times when you were a kid. People gave you names like “Cry Baby” or “When did you get your period?”. The hyper-sensitivity is doing bad stuff for you. I mean why do you have to argue with everyone just because someone said something bad about you? Get over it! The world is an evil place and it’s not revolving around you! Your mental age is literally nine and you still go run to mommy when someone says something that doesn’t align with your opinion. You still live within a fantasy world with you and the people who say only nice things. In short, you are a psychotic, passive, faint-hearted little mamma’s boy who lives in a fantasy world.

10257039-caricatura-ilustracion-de-signo-leoThe “Self-Centered” Leo

Spoiled Brat, self-centered, egomaniac, bossy, I mean just a few of the adjectives that indulge  your character. You are selfish and literally think that all of the world revolves around you. Not only that, but you are also convinced that you are an exceptional person. You actually only appear to be so and only doing that to cover your own insecurities because deep down you know that you are not as exceptional as you think. You have a “Napoleon Complex” and also an “Inferiority Complex” and that is why you tend to be extra funny when actually everyone can see through the facade. In other words, spoiled brat was the initial term used right? You match it without any exception!

virgo-horoscopo-semanal-signos-astros-destino-personalidad-amor-suerte-trabajo-300x380The “Flawed” Virgo

Damn you have a lot of flaws! I mean your entire life is limited to be number 2, the right-hand person. Basically you live to be a servant because you think that you don’t have what it takes, and lets face it, with your thoughts you don’t. Not only that but your OCD’s are making it worse. Your room always has to be spotless, you always have to have everything in order, which at some point it makes people which are around you anxious. Your dull life makes you a borderline maniac and you always and I mean always become a stickler for details and when you get on something you just don’t let go, even if it’s not the topic of conversation.

Funny-LibraThe “Ordinary” Libra

Balance. That’s the word that I was looking for. There is something about it when you know that you cannot commit to the full extent of anything. It is annoying when you don’t know how to assert yourself I mean, we can all relate to that I think. You have the most common phobia of them all and that is solitude and that is why you surround yourself with people whom you think are the strongest ones because you think that they will not disappoint you. Private life is not something that you are proud of simply because you don’t have it. Always there to please everyone in any way possible and that is what makes you hypocritical because you always worry more about what others will say about you.

ESCORPIO_24_de_Octubre_a_21_de_Noviembre_The “Evil, unloved” Scorpio

There is nothing to say really so far. Your bad reputation gives you little to no credit. You dwell in the misery of others and tend to pull everyone into the bottomless pit you think is “realistic awareness”. NOT! Really, when you think about it, you are a backstabbing son of a b*tch which only waits for someones mistake. Not for a sake of deepening a relationship, but the thrill of kicking him when he is down. There is nothing that is unknown to you. You have to know every story, detail in the background and you do it while pretending to be someones friend. The feeling of being unloved, or the thought of it per se, makes you go forward to being literally paranoid so you have to seek it in a twisted way.

Funny-SagittariusThe “Know it All” Sagittarius

Just because you have a good reputation, don’t think that your time is not up! Like the headline states, you are an annoying know-it-all. Yes, you claim to be profound and temple, and you claim that humility is a strong suite you posses. NO! You are a parrot which literally repeats everything he hears. In conversation you tend to over-exaggerate literally everything and yet you show no property of an actual critical though. All you do is repeat the stuff that someone said/wrote at some point which you think makes you smart when other people look at you. You say you also have interest in profound subjects and art, but they are merely interests. You don’t have neither the ability nor the skill to go deeper within things simply because you are to stupid to realize what they are!

Funny-CapricornThe “Rat” Capricorn

Selfish, low self-esteem, as dumb as a bucket filled with dead rats… Your low self-esteem makes people sick! You tend to go unnoticed and yet when it comes to climbing the social ladder you are a maniac which doesn’t think twice and will crush everyone who stands in the way one way or the other. Literally retarded, you always plan ahead and don’t know how to enjoy the present! You are as dull as a tree and don’t know how to live a little! You use humor as a defense mechanism, but let me tell you the hard truth. You are NOT FUNNY! Your humor is as funny as dead fish! But please, if you think of committing suicide, don’t, cause there are still people in this world that might love you for the person you are!

Funny-AquariusThe “Rebellious & Eccentric” Aquarius 

Ok, let’s shed some light on this. You are a maniac who is in over his/her head by thinking you are a God given spokesman. Why? You completely lack profundity and you are completely aware that you are a sheep among others yet you do everything to cover it up. When the “s*it hits the fan” you run away like a scared little mouse towards the hole, which need I remind you, you dug for yourself. And afterwards you complain that no one wants to be your friend? That’s because you need to understand the meaning of friendship you idiot! It’s not just receive, sometimes you have to give! Personal secrets and intimacy issues are just a part of your utterly retarded nature which drives people away from you!

Funny-PiscesThe “Spineless” Pices

You shift your mind with the tide. Yes, you are the most uncertain person that ever came into existence in this world. You don’t know who you love, you can’t make up your mind on what to eat, what to wear, how to dress… I mean common sense is not a word that would describe you best. The thing is that at some point, your insecurity pushes you and your relationships to that limit where no red line should be crossed. EVER! Yet you tend to do it with every person you come in interaction with. You complain and you feel unloved. You go home cry deep inside. And why is that? It is because you don’t have any firmness. You don’t have a backbone so you can’t say NO to anyone! EVER! You make unrealistic promises and yet when you disappoint you act like nothing has ever happened! Get over it and take the consequences like a man!

As the Loony Toons would say:
-That’s All Folks!!!

Hope you enjoyed it! And remember, no offense to anyone, it’s just mere fun!

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